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Wow I’ve been so busy today I haven’t even looked at other peoples’ blogs, much less posted on my own.

Deep breath 1.

Deep breath 2.

I love you guys. I hope your day was really magical. Or at least that you weren’t too sleepy. Happy Fat Tuesday, Imma go get myself a treat, and then after work I’m going to celebrate my beautiful friend Maria’s birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY FRIEND!

Lastly, I saw this and thought it looked a lot like my body when I’m all naked n’ stuff (winter version, currently in gym mode to switch to summer version).

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Emilia’s boyfriend,  Jared, and I have a similar sense of humor. We’ve established that I am his adopted sister. This is our gchat from today:

Jared:  yeah, I must say, the general behavior of college seniors is enough to make one arch an eyebrow
Daphne:  ugh I’m gonna keep getting older and those girls are going to stay the same 

Jared:  yeah, but the good news is that they’re really desperate and sad
I have one of their bras here
maybe some men will find that less-than-challenging, and thus boring
Daphne:  god I hope so
I’m not cut out for life as a spinster
I dont even like cats
and my hair is just plain luscious 

Jared:  that is the gospel truth
Daphne:  No hair nets and moo moos for me no sirrey bob
Jared:  I’m of the opinion increasingly that the odds are stacked against the young ladies of DC, sadly because there are all these cows just slinging milk, nary asking for a bushel of hay in return
Daphne:  I’ve dabbled in cattle. It’s a sad sad pasture. 

Jared:  all the milk-consumer must do is merely line them up, and have nipples thrust at them

Daphne:  However, of late, I have been eating top notch feed and think my milk be the best in the land only to be consumed from the finest goblet to touch but the noblest lips
Jared:  true, there are some consumers willing to pay a premium for organic, fresh-tasting milk 

Daphne:  Ah yes, however this market is quite small
and that shits got a shelf life homeboy
Jared:  but then, you have to wonder about all those “lactose-intolerant” men who really would pass on milk altogether, there are quite a few in the city 

Daphne:  Yes and they often parade about in the garb so that methinks them possibly both worthy and thirsty, but alas, then they bespoke their betrayel 

Jared:  upon closer inspection, that libation they’re quaffing is unmistakably Rice Dream
all the more frustrating since those who peruse the soy and rice milk section tend to be far slimmer and fitter-looking, not to mention stylish
Daphne:  Perhaps I shall go peddle my rich lactation elsewhere, a far off land where the tastes are more refined 

Woe is me who cannot find a lad to appreciate the notes of ginger and wit that so color the bouquet

Sigh. Hard out here for a cow.

BURNNNN

“Sir, I admit your general rule,
That every poet is a fool,
But you yourself may serve to show it,
That every fool is not a poet.” Samuel Taylor Coleridge

two things

1. I joined a gym ladies and gents. And I went this morning, at 6:30 AM. IT WAS DARK OUT. I WALKED TO THE GYM IN THE DARK.

I’m sore as all get out but I feel so happy I could peepee a rainbow. I’m hoping that getting back in shape sticks and come June I’m running around DC donning obnoxious baby tees and cutoffs. I’ve never been very confident in my body, but somehow I didn’t gain as much weight this winter as I usually do, so that plus living two blocks from my gym could possibly equal the first summer of my whole life I’m not self conscious in a bathing suit. I fear for the men in this city if that is the case. RAWRRRRRRR

2. I’m going on a romantic vacation this weekend with Brandon and Leah! We’ll be “housesitting” at Brandon’s parents place in Richmond, pretending to be rich and ghostriding his whip. I can’t wait to get away from DC for a spell 🙂 I’m gonna run around his house, wine goblet in hand, in my panties and trouser socks, screaming obnoxious songs from the top of my lungs “I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE BUT I WONT DO THAT I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR LOVE ANYTHING YOUVE BEEN DREAMING OF I JUST WONT DO THATTTT” or “WITH A LITTLE LOVE AND SOME TENDERNESS WELL WALK UPON THE WATER WELL RISE ABOVE THE MIST” etc, so on, so forth. That’s how I see my weekend going. Fingers crossed.

Have you ever felt something so fully that you’re completely distracted by it, but you know logically you shouldn’t feel that way at all? I have laundry list of negative, unsettling feelings that keep cropping up around every corner lately… like at one of those interactive shooting ranges where the targets pop up out of no where… I should be armed with fucking RATIONALITY and a hold on REALITY yet those gun chambers are bare. Someone pass me a scalpel to extract the part of my brain that registers jealousy. It’s such a disgusting, unattractive emotion that is directly linked to insecurity.

I should not reach to hold something that will make me feel this way.  

Hey! That flame is hot, maybe don’t stick your hand in it? Oh that burns? Take your fucking hand out of it already.

Be ok.

A couple weeks ago, while I felt it pretty harsh and uncalled for given the situation/audience, my friend drunkenly said to me (so read it with a slur in your head), “There comes a time, Daphne, when you have to stop being such a fucking idiot.”

Fast forward to that being the exact lesson I need to heed.

Move on.

GPOY

THIS

Sorry I didn’t have time to write today, shit got real and real crazy. Got some discreet dramz happening that I will eventually be able to explain to you. Tomorrow I plan on discussing, I dunno, probably prostitution.