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Archive for December, 2010

Alright, I’m heading out of the office in 50 minutes so I can go home, feverishly finish packing, move all of my boxes/bags of shit, then return the borrowed car, then wait for the guy to move my bed, then head to my friends’ house, then sleep, then bus to NYC FOR NEW YEARS AND THEN IT WILL BE 2011.

I always have high hopes for NYE, but this year they are extra high. It’s the first time I’ll be an adult, single, and stable on NYE. Last year doesn’t count, because I was still psychotically broken from the break-up with the Swede. I blacked out and kissed one of my best guy friends (who I’d been in love with, in a way, for almost two years)… but I did so in front of his ex girlfriend who is a really incredible woman. It was a hateful thing to do, and even though I don’t remember it and was 5 minutes to passing out, I regret it terribly. I felt so guilty for so long, and some people genuinely thought ill of me because of my stupid drunken behavior.

This year the only person I will know at the party is Becca, one of my favorite people in the world who knows my ins and outs and who I could scarcely disappoint.

I’m afraid for the men in that room.

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OH MY GOD

Do you ever have that moment when you finally realize that someone you know, who has looked somewhat familiar since you first met them, looks exactly like someone famous? Milton (you remember him? went on some dates with him… frat king from Cornell?) HE LOOKS JUST LIKE WILLY FUCKING WONKA.

I can’t decide if it makes me like him more, or less…

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GPOY

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Things of note:

CURRENTLY READING: The Plague by Albert Camus. I can feel that its going to be a heavy too-thoughtful-for-my-own-good book, but I’m already sucked into the vortex of intrigue so I’m excited about it.

CURRENTLY SPORTING: A temporary tattoo of a black widow on my shoulder. This morning I looked in the mirror and was startled with terror thinking there was an actual creepy crawly on me. Then I remembered.

I have one hour left of work, but I can feel the crash happening… Mama needs a nap.

I finally figured out my moving situation. Found a dude to move my bed for me tomorrow night, and I’ll borrow a friends car to transport the rest of my junk personal belongings. Then tomorrow night is The Most Intriguing People of 2011 (two of my friends compile a list of fascinating folk, both real and imaginary, and relate it in a hysterical manner to our whole group). Then Friday morning I’ll board a bus to NYC, get there around 2, fart around town with Becca til its time for us both to start poppin’ bubbly.

Bubbly Bubblies while we don our tiny NYE dresses and set out for a hoppin’ party that’s open bar and guaranteed to be full of extremely attractive men. You cant kick a can in NYC without hitting a hot guy with a beard and glasses, and if you know me, you know that’s the combination to the fly on my blue jeans. Ok that came out slutty… I’ll just say the amount of men I’m attracted to in a mile radius goes up 1,000% in that city. NOMNOMNOM

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Leah, Brandon, and I exchanged presents last night. My heart’s still really full from it. I think they are both really special and magical, and I’m so thankful to have them in my life. I feel like we’re a communion of old souls… keeping company with them is so easy and calm. No pretention. Just existing as is. They got me really thoughtful gifts, and I was tickled to give them theirs. Just…. lovely.

ALSO I had never seen any of the Monty Python movies until the bit we watched last night. So excited to see them all now!

Gotta say… I look rough. We were up so late celebrating our friendships that when I did that age old heinous math equation (TIME I HAVE TO WAKE UP)-(CURRENT TIME)= (AMOUNT OF SLEEP ID GET IF I WENT TO BED RIGHT NOW). Lets just say I could do that counting on one hand. ANND I had forgotten that we have a work holiday lunch today.

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put some voodoo on it

Listening to Tightrope on repeat now, and dancing in my cube. Sing it Janelle Monae. There’s a lot of shimmying happening over here.

Sorry I didn’t post earlier, I was incredibly popular on gchat today. I tried my best to witty and entertaining, and I’m gonna be honest. I did some good work.

Reena:  i own a machete in mebane (in the context of why she might be one of the five I’d choose to be with me in a zombie apocolypse)
 me:  tell me more
 Sent at 2:06 PM on Tuesday
Reena:  hahaha
we use it to weed the garden
 me:  so youre handy with a machete, huh? I didn’t guess that about you Reena.
 Sent at 2:09 PM on Tuesday
Reena:  it’s true
mebane reena is an interesting lady 

me:  I mean she had my heart at the goat baby pic
Reena:  hahaha
do you have that??
i’ve been wondering where it went

me:  nope
if i did it would be under my pillow
waiting for the baby reena fairy to come
and replace it with goat cheese

Yummm goat cheese.

So the holiday weekend was lovely. The drive from DC-Wilmington is further than I anticipated, but since Dana was nice enough to let me DJ even though she was driving, we grooved right through the 7 hours. My family was wonderful, and my heart got all warmed up from DC’s cold isolation. I got some good quality time with them, and jesus lawd o mighty my niece and nephew are adorable. She’s sweet as pie, and seems like she’s growing up with her wits about her. I’d be terrified if I had a girl… its tempting for females to get down on themselves, or think its attractive to be stupid, or turn out to be shells who form themselves around whatever men they’re with (been there). But I think she’s going to turn out to be a confident and intelligent woman of substance, and I’m immensely proud of the job my sister is doing raising her.

For Christmas, my father gave me a necklace that was my grandmother’s. My eyes immediately filled with tears when I saw it. God I miss her.

Another necklace I got rendered the opposite reaction. I’m opening presents from my dad, and I tear back the green paper to reveal a Zales box. I’m grinning big, thinking oooo there’s going to be something lovely and sparkley in there. Well there was something sparkley, and it took about 10 seconds to register the fact that it was a diamond cross….

Way deep down there was a tiny flame of rage. I plastered a fake smile, mumbled thank you, and shut the lid on it. My Dad is trying his damndest to save my soul, but I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN. I AM NOT. Full respect to them. I have absolute reverence for religion and believers but I am not fucking one of them right now. I have made it blatently clear that I am not a Christian. I don’t believe in the Bible. I’m not sure if Jesus existed. I think there could be a higher power, possibly, but I dont know for sure. I just dont.

He and I had a big talk after my Grandfather died about my agnoticism. My grandfather was trying to save my soul from the grave. He made sure that the preacher did a big long shpeal about how important it is/was to him that his family know God and be able to join him and my Grandmother in the kingdom of heaven after we die. If anything was going to bring me to faith, that would have been it. And it didn’t take. I felt a little bad that I couldn’t make everyone happy and join them in Christianity, but there is no faith in my heart. I do not believe. He knows this, and bought me a cross for Christmas.

…….

It’s just fucking disrespectful. I’m 24 years old. I’m a fucking intelligent adult who supports herself. I get to decide this. I love my father so much, but its annoying to have someone basically disregard your feelings because they think they know better.

Endstop on the rant.

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